SERIES OF SERIAL-KILLER KILLINGS 
ROCKS SERIAL-KILLER COMMUNITY
 
INDIANAPOLIS, IN—The recent murders of six serial
killers has shaken the serial-killer community to its
core, ushering in a new era of fear, suspicion, and
mistrust, homicidal maniacs reported Monday.
 
"I can't bear this tension," said Joseph Cash Mason,
dubbed "Pickaxe Pete" by the media. "I can't leave the
house to kidnap a hitchhiker without wondering if I'm
next. When I chain someone to the wall in my backwoods
shack and torture him, I feel no pleasure, only fear
for my own life. When will this madness end?"

The serial-killer killer's most recent reported victim
was Henry "The Wrigleyville Stabber" Fisk, 46. Indiana
state police discovered Fisk's strangled and mutilated
corpse in a culvert on July 2, four weeks after he was
reported missing by several concerned, anonymous
serial killers.

"When 'Crazy' Leo [Krafchek] first disappeared, we
just assumed he'd gone off on a tri-state killing
spree or something," said Fisk's long-time friend,
Chainsaw Chuck. "But when there weren't any nun
killings in the news, we started to worry. Then Otis
Glen Ankrim's trademark birthday slayings stopped,
too. When they found Henry's body, we knew we'd never
see Otis or Leo again, either."

Sources from within the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit
said Fisk's body bore the same marks of torture as
Krafchek's corpse, confirming their suspicions that he
was murdered by the serial-killer killer.

"What kind of maniac targets maniacs?" FBI agent Karl
Malloney said, flipping through stacks of graphic
crime-scene photos in search of a clue. "I wish I
could get into this sicko's head and figure out what
makes him tick. We've got to catch this guy before
another deranged maniac's life is lost."

Serial-killer leaders are encouraging serial killers
to take measures to protect themselves from the
unknown mass murderer. At a town-hall meeting Tuesday,
the Knights Of Serial Killing introduced guidelines
killers should follow until the killer-killer is
caught. Their suggestions included only killing during
daylight hours, restricting victims to those in one's
network of friends and family, and stalking victims
using the buddy system.

"This is a disgrace," Slaughtering Gary said. "We're
under attack, and a set of safety guidelines is the
best the community can do for us? Whenever I kill
someone, people band together and form
neighborhood-watch groups, send out composite drawings
of my face, and install lighted walkways in all the
parks. Where's the outcry now that I'm the target?
Who's watching out for me?"

Malloney said the FBI has been working around the
clock to find the serial-killer killer, but it has
little evidence to work with beyond a 12-page note
found in Krafchek's left hook.

"Sereal [sic] killers beware," the note read in part.
"The time of judgment is upon you, so make your peace
and prepare for your horror. Your [sic] going to die.
The lies have to end now."

"We're all scared to death," Mason said. "I'm on edge
all the time. I go into my basement, and my sausage
machine appears to have been moved. I can't even
follow a scout troop out to Mt. Wacoca, because I'm
terrified to be in the woods. Even the voice in my
head is telling me to lay low for a while."

"Worst part of all is that I'm starting to take
sideways glances at my friends," Mason added. "I hate
this maniac for making me think such awful things
about Chainsaw Chuck and Strangling Andrew."

Although the families and friends of Fisk's victims
have expressed limited sympathy for the deceased
serial killer, friends of the serial-killer killer's
recent victim grieve their loss.

"The last time I saw [Fisk], he was sharpening his
knives and saying how much he loved the sense of power
he got from snuffing out senior citizens," said "Mad"
Morris Lauch, The Butcher Of Bakersfield. "Henry liked
to work alone, but he was always quick with a smile
and a joke after he disposed of the corpse. He had a
real gift for stabbing elderly people without getting
caught. He had so many killings ahead of him."

"It's so sad," Lauch added. "We killers used to spend
hours discussing the virtues of quicklime over
sulfuric acid, or how hemp rope can hold a knot better
than nylon. Now all we talk about is our dead
friends."

Services for Fisk will be held at his house, after
which he will be cut up and buried in the dirt floor
of his crawl space.